Exhausted but hopeful

Lately I've been so exhausted. It feels almost impossible to work on my craft right now. There's just too many work and school related things I have to take care of. I have no time to sleep or relax at all. It's even harder to keep on going since I'm sick all the time, but I also have no time to rest and recover.

For me this is really sad since I'm sure that a little time doing my craft would probably make me feel better. It could even give me more strenght to go on, but I just can't make myself to find that positive energy. There's this endless void of despair, depression and fear that's eating me from the inside. How do I end up here every year? I should really break this cycle of self-destruction. Burn out is my whole existence it seems.

 

I don't know what to do next. I wish to create my own BoS and small garden of herbs. Nothing too fancy or different - just something to start with. Something that gives me balance in life and witchcraft.

Lately I've been thinking about my childhood more. Well, not exactly my childhood, but my experiences with animals. I used to have this strange relationship with butterflies where they would come to sit on my hair and hands etc. Weird stuff. What I've started to wonder is that could those butterflies have been my familiars? It seems that they have given me so much strenght through the years. Also I've learned a lot about this world and myself just by observing and learning things about them.

Maybe by Sick Puppies

I have this strong urge to cut my hair short. I've had it for years, but I've always supressed it because of my work and fear of what other people would think of me. I think that after this year I'm gonna cut it and dye it blue. Ombre actually - from black to blue. Also I want to take a tattoo of a butterfly and have more holes to my ears. It's going to be interesting. You may think of why I'm telling this in my Book of Mirrors? Well, I think I've finally found myself. I have finally grown to be strong enought to follow my own path, both in witchcraft and life. Even though all these things are external I think it's time to let my soul and magic show. Time to be who I really am inside, instead of being what other people want me to be. It's time to start practising my craft and use my natural instincts instead of following fear of this world.

"Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change"Maybe by Sick Puppies


Cherry