5/18/2017

Exhausted but hopeful


Lately I've been so exhausted. It feels almost impossible to work on my craft right now. There's just too many work and school related things I have to take care of. I have no time to sleep or relax at all. It's even harder to keep on going since I'm sick all the time, but I also have no time to rest and recover.

For me this is really sad since I'm sure that a little time doing my craft would probably make me feel better. It could even give me more strenght to go on, but I just can't make myself to find that positive energy. There's this endless void of despair, depression and fear that's eating me from the inside. How do I end up here every year? I should really break this cycle of self-destruction. Burn out is my whole existence it seems.


I don't know what to do next. I wish to create my own BoS and small garden of herbs. Nothing too fancy or different - just something to start with. Something that gives me balance in life and witchcraft.

Lately I've been thinking about my childhood more. Well, not exactly my childhood, but my experiences with animals. I used to have this strange relationship with butterflies where they would come to sit on my hair and hands etc. Weird stuff. What I've started to wonder is that could those butterflies have been my familiars? It seems that they have given me so much strenght through the years. Also I've learned a lot about this world and myself just by observing and learning things about them.

Maybe by Sick Puppies

I have this strong urge to cut my hair short. I've had it for years, but I've always supressed it because of my work and fear of what other people would think of me. I think that after this year I'm gonna cut it and dye it blue. Ombre actually - from black to blue. Also I want to take a tattoo of a butterfly and have more holes to my ears. It's going to be interesting. You may think of why I'm telling this in my Book of Mirrors? Well, I think I've finally found myself. I have finally grown to be strong enought to follow my own path, both in witchcraft and life. Even though all these things are external I think it's time to let my soul and magic show. Time to be who I really am inside, instead of being what other people want me to be. It's time to start practising my craft and use my natural instincts instead of following fear of this world.

"Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try
So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for?
'Cause nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change"
Maybe by Sick Puppies


Cherry

5/07/2017

First post and making a grimoire

First of all I think I should explaine why I desided to go with book of mirrors. First of all I didn't want to do a grimoire in a blog format since I want it to be something more special than that. Even though I'm not going to take my grimoire with me everywhere I still want it to be physical piece of work. Personally I think grimoire is not for everyone's eyes to see, so that's also one reason why. Secondly I didn't want to make a book of shadows since I see it more as a book of spells, recipes etc. So similar to grimoire, but with information and records of your usage of those said spells, recipes etc. In the end I felt like book of mirrors was most fitting format for this blog, since it's mostly just a journal about magic and my experiences of it.

❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣..❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.❣.

Last few days I've spend reading every bit of information I can possibly find about traditional witchcraft, ancestors, divination, cleansing, gemstones etc. There's so much to learn that I would probably skip sleeping and eating all together if I didn't have as much common sense as I have. It just feels like I've finally made it home and I'm too exited to rest, even though I really should. I've always loved learning and collecting knowledge about everything under the sun so this is not as suprising to me as it probably should be. So many questions I had have been answered and so many more have aroused.



I started making my own grimoire from scratch. First I coffee dyed some paper to see if I'd like the look of it. I know some people think it's waiste of time to try to make your books look fancy and all that, but to me it has a significant meaning. To me it's important to make things myself, because I believe handmade stuff to have their makers energy in them. I know I could just buy some book and cleanse it, but it wouldn't have the same love and care put into it that way. It wouldn't have my magic, my blood, sweat and tears. That's also one reason why I've desided to write my grimoire by hand instead of just writing it down with computer and then printing it out. But to each their own.

I've already filled 12 pages of my grimoire in two days. They are small pages, since I don't like writing in big pages. I also desided to make my book so that I can add and remove pages at any given time. So I didn't dye hundreds and hundreds of pages! I'm going to dye them when they start to run out instead for my own sanity's sake. All of those 12 pages have been about runes. Elder Futhark runes to be exact. When I'm not sick anymore I'm going to go to the beach to search some stones to make my own runestones, but until then I'm going to reflect on the runes and their meanings. To me it's important to understand their origins to some extent.

I think that's actually one of the reasons I never really started to use tarot cards - too many different aspects to learn before gaining full understanding of a single card. But maybe I'll get to that one day after I've learned some numerology etc. Somehow gemstones and stones in general have always spoken to me so I doubt I'll get as attached to tarots at any point of my life, but we'll see!

So this is all for today,

Cherry